A farewell from Bill, to my best friend

I wrote this right after Stuarts passing and sent it to Karen first because I was not ready to post it, somewhat in denial.
It is a bit long but Stuart and I go back along time, longer than even Karen. Stuart meant everything to me as a friend as did his whole extended family.


Stuart was and is my best friend, and I will always treasure and celebrate the times we had together.

In addition to his superior qualities as a friend, he was a wonderful husband, father, brother and son. Sue, Karen, Benjamin, Alison, Betsy, Douglas, Tom, Hank, and Ann loved and cared for him right up to the end. He always put family first and I’m sure he knew they were all there with and for him, until he was sure they could handle his passing. They will miss him terribly but will remember the best times they had together forever.

Over the past few weeks, I have read some of the shared emails from friends and family. Kathy, I loved being reminded of the barefoot Stuart. I also have Stuart in sandals, in my memories.

There has been repeated mention of a common understanding that Stuart was a man of deep feelings and thoughts, but not of unnecessary words.

A story that typifies this was at Andrea’s and my wedding. Stuart was my best man. According to his feelings as a best friend, he had prepared a heart-felt toast, and I believe he had a hand-written version of this tucked into his tux pocket. The reception began, it went on, I think he got more nervous, the moment came for his toast and he clutched. The ‘best man’ protocol got the better of him, and he just couldn’t do it- too much attention, too many expectations, too much emotion? Luckily for him, our other “best friend”, Maid of Honor, Cammy Watts, stepped up to the plate and delivered the Toast. It has been an ongoing joke over the years with us all, but I know in my heart what he would have said; he didn’t have to say anything.

Stuart and I grew up together through those critical teenage years, since eighth grade when we met and formed an instant and inseparable bond. I was immediately made to feel like one of his family, and he likewise a member of mine. My parents had seven children and always had room for one more, Stuart. Sometimes I think they never noticed there was one more of us. Sue became my “other mother”, Betsy another much-needed, wiser older sister, and Douglas, a pesky but loveable little brother that grew on me.

Stuart and I vacationed together in Chatham, Scituate, Okemo and Gunstock as teenagers. Later as adults in Falmouth, Mattapoisett, Sunday River and Crested Butte.

We did everything together and learned so much of life with each other. All the important things : waterskiing (we were both pretty good), and driving (our first cars - his blue Impala convertible, my blue Plymouth Fury convertible- we were way cool), off-roading in my Jeep- we rolled it on Sandy Neck beach. The Jeep was totaled but we were fine. Girls eventually came into our lives. Karen became the love of his life and she was lucky enough to get me in the deal too. And excuse me Andrea, but Laurie may have entered the picture for awhile also. As another true friend, she never left.

Stuart gave me the courage and confidence to try new things, for good
and bad. We took his boat from Chatham to Nantucket in pea-soup fog, navigating by the seat of our pants; we knew it was east. We took my father’s boat with explicit orders not to go far. With Betsy, Karen and Michael Sullivan on board, we managed somehow to end up in Provincetown, weathered in for the night. Not wanting to call our parents and let them know we may have wandered too far off-course. We finally had to call and tell them we were stuck for the night. We were all too afraid to call Mrs. Musser, Karen’s mother, so we delegated that job to my mother. We claimed we ran out of change, no cell phones in those days.

We sailed together quite a bit, and Andy and I even sailed with them on their honeymoon. I’m pretty sure they wanted us there. As I said before, we were inseparable. Karen, sorry if we imposed at that romantic time!

When we sailed, even though he was much more capable than I, we rarely had to speak because we knew what each other was doing and trusted each other to do it right. We knew the right place to be at the
right time and knew each other would be there. It could be a gale leaving Marion Harbor, trimming and reefing sails without a word, something about the keel hitting a rock while trying to do three things at once, no damage, but the look we gave each other as the boat shuddered will never be forgotten. We knew we had each other’s back and trusted each other implicitly. As green water flowed over the bow crossing Buzzards Bay, we began to think maybe we got ourselves in over our heads on that trip. Skill, lots of luck and belief in each other got us through. Stuart liked to sail into harbors under full sail, forget the engine, don’t tell Karen, and she’ll never know either of us might have been a bit nervous.

We learned to ski together, and skied a lot. My parents bought Stuart a Season’s Pass at Gunstock as a member of our family. Stuart Kelley? We conquered blue ice in New England (Betsy, be glad you were out of our way as we “boogied” down that ice, aiming directly at you). Douglas was younger and maybe naturally more athletic. He spent a winter making snow and skiing at Sugarbush, but we out-skied him as only big brothers should do. Powder out west, and steeps that caused vertigo at Crested Butte. We were usually only two turns behind each other, and he only ran me over once when I fell.

Another time he sat with me waiting for the Ski Patrol to get me down the mountain when I needed about 30 staples to stitch my leg back together. I sat trailside with him waiting for the Patrol toboggan to get him down the slope with a broken collarbone. We skied the woods at Okemo, totally out of bounds. If we were doing something illegal, it gave us courage. Or maybe just stupidity and bravado gave us the courage. It was wonderful, young, foolish, invincibility. And we loved it.

We were best men at each other’s weddings and raised our children together. We’ve known each other’s kids since well before they were born. Karen and Stuart beat us all to the punch when they had Benjamin first. Alison and our daughter Annie are the same age, and both graduated from college on May 20 this year. Stuart is Annie’s godfather, and we have always believed he was the best thing in terms of non-religious guidance. We know he will be watching over both of them as they grow up into great young women.

As adulthood came upon us, our friendship never diminished. I do regret, though, that I postponed a sail, a fishing trip, a dinner, a day of playing hookie from our jobs to ski, always thinking we had time to reschedule. I figured we could make it up, if one of us was too busy with kids or work. There was always tomorrow or next week or next year. The connection never was lost in terms of our friendship, but I do miss those days we could have had: fun, trusting, comfortable, friend days.

I will forever miss him. He will always be my Fourth brother. He will always be a family member, as I hope I can still be a member of his.
He is, was, and always will be my best friend.

When we hopefully meet up in the after life, if you believe in that, I know he will greet me with that wedding toast.

Sue, Karen, Ben, Alison, Betsy, Douglas, Tom and Ann. Love you all,

Bill Kelley